Loss. It may come in the form of the passing on of a loved one or even a separation from someone or something that we hold dear. The hard truth is that, at some point of our lives, we will have to deal with this reality.
Oftentimes, it can lead us down the road to depression. Sadly, there are still a few others out there who do not believe that depression is real- that it is just made up and all in the mind.
Well, I am here to tell you that it is indeed very real. Because it is my reality. Regardless of your age, of your status, of your circumstances in life, you too may share my reality.
It is a truth I have been living with for years. From being a happy and positive person, I suddenly found myself struggling to cope up with the challenges that came along my way. They felt almost insurmountable. On most days, I feel like I just want life to pass me by because I believe I am inadequate to face them. On other days though, by some miracle, I find myself rising up to the challenge and facing them head-on. Where I get the strength to move forward, I do not know but I believe I can hazard a few guesses.
Just a little bit of background on me, I am an only daughter raised by a single mom. It was literally just me and her. To this day, she is the strongest person I know. When she passed from cancer, it hit me very very hard. Not only was I left all alone but my staunchest supporter, that one person in this world who believed in me completely, was gone. To be quite frank, the pain of her loss is something that I still carry to this day. A song or a movie would come on that would remind me of her and the waterworks just would not stop. But attached to that sadness is my conviction that every day of my life will be a testament to the strength of a woman who raised me to be everything a woman should be: fierce, strong, independent, nurturing, compassionate, loving. On days when my depression hits me extra hard, I counteract by filling myself with thoughts of her doing the best that she could to give me the happiest memories, all while fighting cancer. Whatever else I am in this life, I will never forget that I am her daughter.
So to you reading this right now, if you are struggling with depression as I am, try to fight it by finding that person in your life who reminded you of your worth. Find that person who made you feel like you had wings and made you fly and soar. Try to find that little voice inside you that tells you your life can be a living testament to their positive influence in your formation as a human being.
Another way that has helped me cope daily is my rediscovery of my hobbies and passions. Rechanneling all that depression into something worthy of my time and effort has been a great help.
A lifelong passion of mine is reading books which also extends to writing stories and articles. To sit down and read a good book that enlightens my mind and imbibes me with something new and different or even leaves me with that amazing feeling of knowing that the world is so much bigger than I know it to be helps me remember that loss is really only one part of life. It is not life itself. It is not the only thing that is powerful enough to be moving. Crippling as it can be, it can still be overcome if only one chooses to do so.
Journaling has been helpful as well. Putting into words all these thoughts and feelings that I keep hidden from the world is nothing short of therapeutic. It is almost like writing them down means I am making the pain leave my body and I am transferring it on to the pages of my journal. Acknowledging that hurt and that pain is a huge step in the grieving and healing process.
Exercising is now a newfound passion. I had initially thought to enroll in a gym but a friend suggested that I could try it first in the comfort of my own home. In the month that I have been able to do it consistently, I lost roughly ten pounds. I cannot tell you the sense of accomplishment that it gave me. I had been carrying around this baby weight for years! There were so many excuses not to get back into shape but it only took one moment to decide that I would do it. It has served me well. They say exercising releases happy hormones and that seems as good as any a reason to take it up.
For those of you who wish to take it a step further, by all means, enroll in a gym or take dance lessons or join yoga classes. Any physical activity that you are comfortable with will help you cope. Being around people will certainly help remind you of the good things that life has to offer.
As you may have very well guessed by now, I am an introvert. Most of my coping mechanisms have been those that are done solely by myself. However, one cannot and should not discount the people in our lives who are always there for us.
I personally keep a very small pool of friends, a kiddie pool of friends, if you will. But the friends that I do keep are tried and tested. They are treasured beyond measure because of the impact that they have on my life. They respect my decisions however they also calmly remind me of any blind spots that I may have overlooked. Their positivity, support and love has been invaluable. Truly, no man is an island. And our true friends are there to share our burden.
These friends can also accompany you as you get out of your comfort zone and see new places.
Think of those travel destinations that you have always wanted to visit. Perhaps now would be a good time as any to marvel at the pyramids, visit the Holy Land, see ancient wonders or even the latest architectural wonders, swim in the bluest of oceans or spend some time appreciating the beauty of nature at any of the nature parks of your choice.
As of this writing, I am looking at my packed bag for my trip out of the country in less than a week. I also have been looking at doing a tri-country tour in 7 days for the next year. Filling up that itinerary makes for a very busy me.
These are some of the ways that I have been able to forge on every day for the past few years.
Does depression really go away? In my case, it has been relegated off to one side. Just like joy, loss is a part of life. We can only hope that we find a healthy balance between both. To pretend it does not exist is like saying happiness does not exist as well.
And one of the first ways of dealing with it, is to recognize that it is a concern.
After reading this article, my hope is that you will find that inner peace to face the challenges that come with this situation and be better for it. Know that you are not alone.
>> Contributor: Nina Monique Fernandez